I remember the first time I came out as bi-sexual, it was to my sister while we were walking home from school one hot Florida day. I remember telling her how I felt, how I liked both boys and girls, and how I’ve felt that way ever since I was a kid. What she said to me next I’ll never forget because, now at least, its funny. She said to me, “Don’t be a freak. You’ll grow out of it eventually.” I tried to argue with her that I wouldn’t grow out of it and she promptly told me to shut up and talk about something else.
To this day my sister still doesn’t really accept my bi-sexual nature and will (lovingly) tell me to ‘quit being a freak’. What’s so funny is, until I brought my first boyfriend home she honestly thought I was a lesbian. What’s even funnier- she was more accepting of the idea of me being a lesbian than me being bi-sexual. It was almost as if me being a lesbian would’ve been more tolerable and preferable to her.
The sad thing is, that’s the mentality of many people when you tell them you’re bi-sexual.
When you tell people you’re straight, no one bats an eye.
When you tell people you’re gay/lesbian/trans, you’re congratulated on being so brave or how wonderful it is (in the right crowd and setting of course).
When you tell people you’re bi-sexual however you get that look. Its a hard to describe look. Its a mixture of confusion, revulsion, and judgement. Then you get the, ‘Oh…’ No parties or pats on the back for being brave about coming out, nothing like that at all. You get the ‘Oh…’
There seems to be a big misconception about bi-sexuality in general (thank you porn industry). People judge you more harshly when you’re bi-sexual. For example I am married to a man. I’ve had people tell me ‘You can’t be bi-sexual because you married a man.’ and the ‘You’re not really bi-sexual because if you were, you wouldn’t have gotten married.’ In the gay community many lesbians won’t even consider a bi-sexual lover because of (insert a thousand reasons here), but mainly because even in the gay community bi-sexuals are viewed as freaks. They’re seen as posers, wanna-be gays, hipsters, people trying to be ‘trendy’ because its the ‘IT’ thing of the season. When in a majority of cases, like mine, its none of the above.
I am still bi-sexual despite my married status. I will still always feel an attraction to women just as equally as I feel attracted to men. At the same time though I am a devoted and loving wife. That’s the other thing I hear a lot, ‘You can’t possibly love your husband if you’re still attracted to other people.’ Yeah…yeah I can. My husband knows I am bi-sexual and accepts me for it. He knows I am faithful to him because it is my nature. I would never betray his love and trust for me in a million years. It would be the same thing if I had fallen in love and married a woman.
You see for me there is no difference between being aroused physically, mentally, and/or emotionally by either a woman or a man. I view them both equally. I laugh at women who ridicule me for being so ‘mentally and emotionally unfaithful’ to my husband and then they turn around to read the newest smut novel, all the while imagining themselves as the lead female. I ignore men who, when they find out I’m bi-sexual, immediately jump to porn scenarios and become creepy lechers.
Other times people question me, ‘Well what if you find a woman and you fall in love with her? Are you going to leave your husband for her?’ I tell them the same thing I told my husband right after we were married, ‘No. I will never leave him unless he tells me to or he does something so horribly unforgivable he leaves me no choice but to go.’
Its not that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet it befuddles people so much. Its almost as if its impossible to imagine a life where you can be happy with who you are, what you are, and not question it because it works for you. My only wish is, instead of people automatically jumping into the judgmental phase right after I tell them of my bi-sexuality, I would want them to be more open and accepting of it. Asking honest questions instead of being critical.
I can’t help who I am or why I prefer what I do. It’s always been that way for me, for as long as I can remember. Society is changing now, we’re evolving as a species. I can only hope our views on sexuality can evolve to the point where we no longer judge what consenting adults do in their personal lives.
Until then, I will proudly be a freak of nature.